If you’re a parent with a child who’s obsessed with playing games instead of studying, try this

2022-04-29 0 By

Some parents are irritable or even cranky as they start to work after the New Year.If the children do not study in those days parents can find a “after all, it is the Chinese New Year” reason from my comfort, then the children until now also refused to learn is bound to make many parents mad.Especially when they also know that there are a lot of children have started to study hard early, even during the Chinese New Year also insist on learning, grief, anxiety, irritability, dissatisfaction and so on all kinds of negative emotions will constantly impact their violent critical point.What’s a parent to do?The analysis of this matter is in fact specific to each child will certainly have some differences, mainly by the child’s personality, family environment and other factors.For example, for some children may be parents as long as the heart to take back the phone or criticize the child a few words things will be solved, but the same way for a child may lead to some extreme behavior of the child, and “not top” what run away from home, to death and so on is not impossible.To be honest, if a child’s problems fall into the category of “illness,” then parents can’t expect to solve their child’s problems in a general way.The most important thing parents need to do at this time is to ask a professional or professional organization to intervene.It should be noted that the “professionals” here are not so-called education workers, psychological consultants such workers, at this time the children most need the professional guidance of psychological doctors.Of course, the first two are not to say that a little effect will not work, but we said that once the child’s problem is reached the degree of “disease”, it no longer belongs to the two ability, responsibility category.If the child’s problem does not reach the degree of “illness”, there will be more solutions to try to solve.This article is about what parents can try to do in this situation.In dealing with this problem, the majority of parents are most likely to take three main measures: 1. Be reasonable.Including the importance of study (performance), the importance of hard work, the significance of holiday study and so on;2. Compare people.Through the behavior of others (especially the children of classmates, relatives and colleagues), the author tries to make the children feel anxious and urgent, so as to urge the children to take the initiative to learn.3. Nagging.This is the most common “traditional family education” is the main component, many parents even do not do the above two things will be used to “matter” to nag their children, of course, in their own view with “nag” is not right, parents often feel that this is “remind” “urge”.Strictly speaking, all of these approaches are problematic, but they are not completely useless, as individual differences still exist.But I would like to emphasize that if parents find that we have done the above way, but the effect is poor, do not repeat these meaningless “efforts”.Because when an effort doesn’t make things better, it makes things worse, and it’s better to “say/do nothing” than to do it.Note that we always remember that when we solve a problem, we may not be able to solve it immediately, but we must not make it worse or more complex, otherwise it will become more difficult to solve the problem.Observation and analysis of children here do not need parents to have much education, psychological knowledge, skills, only need parents as far as possible to observe and analysis of a peaceful state of mind.We can think of it as a process of “reacquainting children”.In fact, the growth of children, especially the psychological development will be far beyond our parents’ imagination, often we still feel that the child is “the original child”, in fact, their body and mind has already undergone great changes.Unconsciously, the child is not the child we are familiar with in the past…So how do you achieve peace of mind?Here is a “mental model” that parents can try to “apply” to some of their children’s problems and see how it works.To put it simply: observation → discovery of advantages → affirmation → migration.For example, watching children play games without learning or watching videos without learning, we observe children first to see his attention, facial expression changes and so on.We usually come to the positive conclusion that kids are actually pretty cool when they take something seriously!Then we may also find that the child in the process of playing or watching will constantly think, summarize, of course, tantrums, self-regulation and so on.At this time, in fact, we will find that children are not only “playing games”, so the same, children in this process will inevitably affect the amount of their harvest because of some performance.Can’t let the children get rid of the bondage of the game with anger, can try to give their children some positive Suggestions to help children get a better game experience – parents play can help children from the Angle of professional, technical, don’t understand, don’t play that game it doesn’t matter, can guide the child from the mentality “lost” “from the perspective of tactics, techniques, team improve”, etc.Even if all else fails, identify positive, positive behaviors that your child will engage in while playing.The goal is to convince the child that we see not only the negative aspects of his play, but also the positive aspects that relate to him.No child who is addicted to video games does not know that he or she should not be addicted to video games, or that his or her parents do not like his or her addiction to video games. It is just like a child who is afraid of being criticized or punished by his or her parents when he or she does something wrong.The only difference is that they now feel “big”, so they have more ability or reliance to “resist”.But we all know that parents’ different attitudes to solving their children’s mistakes can have different effects on their children.It’s just that we’re so afraid of “game harm” that we tend to get anxious, impatient, and aggressive about it.Giving a child a “yes” reduces resistance and, to some extent, defensiveness.In fact, every child who is playing a video game gets nervous when their parent approaches, because they know exactly what they are going through and what they are fighting.So the effect of parents doing the opposite is better than the script, at least it will disrupt the child’s own “rhythm”, which will make things become “out of control” for the child.When the child is out of control, the chances of the parent taking the initiative increase.After repeating these affirmations many times (” many times “, to convince the child that we are really positive), we can try to encourage the child to transfer these affirmations to learning.Remember not to be too greedy and try to make your child do their best in one step.For example, if a child is very focused when playing a game, then we encourage him to focus on his study for an hour, and then continue to play the game for a break – parents’ “playing cards” must not be caught by the child.After reaching this point, in most cases the child will “give face”, and as long as the child once went to learn, even if it is not focused enough, we also want to affirm its “trying to focus on the attitude”.Parents still do not follow the routine “card”, the development of things is not children’s cognition, control.Then actively remind the child: “It’s time to go play.”At this time parents should pay attention to is not to walk away, but in front of the child’s face very seriously to see the child’s learning results.Even if the child’s writing is bad, say something like: “I thought you’d get upset and mess things up, but your writing is better than I expected.”There’s no need to say, “I hope you’ll do better next time,” because if you do, you’ll be right back in the groove.It’s best to talk to your child about how many games or how long it will take him to do the other thing again.Then we can go away.Give your child a quiet place to enjoy the game.The “model” in fact, can be used in many things, the aim that we should reduce the emphasis on the negative problems, how to create positive effect, let the children to feel the positive effects brought about by the experience, just like the attraction of the games themselves, because there is a positive experience will make them more love, more willing to take the time to do.In traditional parenting, “beating” is often used more by parents, while another technique is often used to reinforce “bad outcomes” and their effects.It’s not all nonsense, but when your child shows up playing games instead of studying, it’s almost impossible to make a positive difference, especially if we’re the ones talking to them.In fact, those addicted to the game of children (did not reach the “sick” degree of children) they are not do not know their own improper behavior, not do not want to learn and receive all kinds of praise, recognition.In fact, when they are addicted, their hearts will also be a little “throbbing” because they think of learning, thinking of the future, etc.In most cases, children will also have “guilt” and “shame” because of their own behavior and even some psychological problems such as “inferiority” and “self-denial” because they cannot control themselves.In this case, the more irritable and angry the parents are, the more likely it is to let the children “accept” themselves, rather than make changes according to the parents’ expectations and requirements.What is the core of this word?The emotional expression described by the word appears to result in anger, but at its core is shame.When parents emphasize their children’s shortcomings and mistakes, the more reasonable it is, the more it will lead to children feeling “ashamed”, and most children are difficult to do “brave after shame”, and more children must be “angry from shame”.Because anger solves so many problems, and anger itself is addictive because it has a pressurizing effect — the child is more likely to blame everything on the parent who angered him.They make a lot of excuses (such as not knowing themselves, not caring about themselves, not caring about themselves, simple and rough parenting, etc.) to make themselves persecuted.In this state of mind, they tend to persist in those “wrong” behaviors, because these behaviors will be given some other meaning — “revenge” or “hitting back” at their parents.It’s easy for kids to get into the “I’m this way because of you” mentality.So far, the balance of the child’s inner “struggle” has been completely tilted to one side…Holidays are different from other times, especially those children who are addicted to games for a long time. They may fall behind in homework and learning tasks no matter how hard they try.In this case, if parents emphasize what will happen if they cannot finish writing, do you think it is more likely that the child will not write at all or will throw away the phone and try to finish writing?So what parents should do at this time is to alleviate the children’s “certainly can’t finish the homework” ambivalence.Parents at this time can communicate with the child’s teacher about the situation, can get the teacher’s support and cooperation would be better — for example, we only do those more important homework is also certain to be completed (not that not rest light can be completed).If you can get the teacher’s confirmation, it will also play an encouraging role for children.Parents should not regret whether children learn less and too concerned about the children did not learn those will lead to children after the school can not keep up with the problem.We need to look at things from the perspective of “things are getting better.”Getting kids to go from playing 12 hours a day to playing 10 hours a day is progress in itself, and reducing those two hours is going to be a lot less difficult than trying to get kids to play 10 hours a day or even stop playing for a minute.In fact, it would be nice if things went better, because when we solved the “2 hours” problem, we had the conditions favorable to solve the “2 hours” problem…See here, I do not know those who are troubled by children playing games do not study parents feel harvest, after all, each child, each family situation is still different, there will not be any way to solve all the problems.But I hope that the positive attitude, positive problem-solving, and analytical approach that I’ve shared today will attract parents’ attention. After all, it won’t make the problem worse, will it?